User blog:Youmakemyheartgonootnoot/I'm Too Shy In School.

You might be thinking,

"Yeah right. There's lots of shy and introverted people nowadays. Get over it."

And I'm not going to lie, you have every reason to think that.

Usually, in school there's always those kids who, and no offense, end up labeling other kids. Like the whole class is in on it with the labels. Usually goes like "Quiet Kid", "Smartest Kid In The Class", or something else like that.

I usually get labeled the "Smart" and "Quiet/Shy" kid in class, no bragging intended. I know the shy part is true, but I have no idea how people labeled me smart. I'm actually alot "slower", as I like to call myself, than other kids. I hate Math so much a.k.a Mental Abuse To Humans. Maybe it's because I wear glasses, people think I'm some sort of anime smart character.

Anyways, I'm too shy. I don't even want to be. It's a love-hate relationship. I hate doing presentations. But in my head I'm excited to share my ideas. I hate reading out loud, but in my head I want others to hear my voice. I don't like my shyness at all.

But then again, there is a very, very, very tiny part of me that does. I guess I'm sorta lucky for my shyness. I feel like if I didn't have it, then I'd be ALOT more rude to people than I really mean to be. (There's a difference from being honest to flat-out rude and from being being funny to a jerk.) I also feel like I would end up speaking my mind too often, blurting out things that come off as offensive, even though I don't mean it. I'd be extremely annoying.

But back to my shyness. It's like something is wrong with me, and I don't know how to overcome it. It's my biggest adversity that I have yet to hop over. Like when I have to participate, it's like I just leave my whole body. I get so sweaty, I start shaking, and my eyes start to water. It's like I'm not even really nervous, sad, or even shy! Sometimes I'm even excited to share! It's something up with me! It's like participating triggers something weird inside me. I get so shaken up when it happens. Like something else is controlling my body, and I can't do anything about it.

I remember even a couple of times where my body knew what was going to happen.

Like, you know how when you come into your class and something is off? Like nobody's really talking and it's kinda quiet. That's how you know the class made a mistake and the teacher's mad.

It's like my body can predict things, like if I have to participate. It's crazy. It's cool if you don't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either! I don't really know if this proves anything, but once I had a group project to present. I totally forgot about the presentation, but something felt off. The classroom was normal, like always. But I started to get nervous, and my stomach felt weird, like it always does when I have to do a presentation or something. I was confused, because I thought it was just a normal day. But then I remembered. My body already knew, but my brain didn't. It was weird. It's not the only time this happened either. Once in English, in the beginning of the year, we had to do that thing where the teacher goes around the room and makes you inroduce yourself. We were supposed to do this, probably on the first day of school. But we didn't for some reason. It was just a completely random chosen day, maybe like a few weeks into the year when my teacher felt the need to do it then. Nobody had any idea and I didn't either. When I came into my English class, something also felt off to me, and I got that same sickening gut-wrenching feeling when I feel like I have to participate. And we did.

To this day, I still don't know what's wrong with me. And I really don't have any idea how I'm going to overcome this seemingly huge adversity in my life. Like literally, let's just say something happened in class today involving my participation, and I got really depressed about it. I cried a while about it. So because of that, I'm sorta determined to stop being too shy.

I even made a list of what I can do to improve myself. Yeah, it's probably weird.