User blog:Xxblacksoulsxx/I need help

ok so, My teacher told me she picked me to eneter a writting contest. I wrote this on Google docs https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lZRSdAZaIhMb8GYOhhwgsN9hbCIzlaagINZeC8hhLCo, and I need your opinions if its good!