User blog comment:9zing/Tell me your Weird Pet Stories!/@comment-39554288-20190804194410

Here's my pet story:

I had a pet snail named Nicholas Cage. After eating his daily ration of lettuce he grew bulging muscles like Popeye, allowing him to break out of his plastic terrarium. He proceeded to clean out our refrigerator, devouring even the cheesecake Mom made for the karate potluck. He grew bigger with every bite until our house was bursting at the seams. Our house exploded and Nicholas Cage went on to bigger and better things... such as terrorizing the city. With every car and tree he ate, his size and his rippling muscles increased. All the women in the city (and eventually the country, due to his massive size) noticed how flippin HOT he was and instantly fell in love with him. Swooned ladies littered the streets. Nicholas Cage was distressed by the situation and went into hiding, but he was easily discovered as he was a snail the size of a large planet. Nicholas realized that he needed to be more productive with his life, so he started working the night shift at McDonald's. He was soon fired due to making female customers swoon themselves into unconsciousness so they couldn't buy anything. Nicholas Cage realized that he was destined for a life of farming, so he settled down with this wife and 3 kids out in the middle of nowhere sitting on the front porch with his banjo strumming out Camptown Races and singing of lost dreams.

Reality:

I had a pet snail named Edward who ate lettuce all day